What do you get when you cross a netbook with the iPhone? The iPad. An alien that is neither a computer nor a phone. Base models can’t make calls, yet none have a USB port, Ethernet port, HDMI port (resolution’s 1024X768 anyway) or a memory card reader. Apple has perfected the art fooling people. It makes great looking shiny stuff, sells it at “unbeleivable” prices, while the buyers hardly realise that beneath all the accelerometers, touch screens, shiny surfaces and smooth animations, lies a 1 GHz computer with an unchangeable storage of 16-64 GB for which they just shelled out $500-830.
Imagine. You can’t video chat, you can’t run flash (Sucks for farmville addicts). Battery replacements? No. Change to a better hard disk? No. CDs, DVDs, Blu Ray? No. Upgrade RAM? No.
This might sound stupid, but people will get serious neck-sprains and spondilitis-like conditions from looking down on the surface all the time. Of course, you could buy the Keyboard attachment at an “unbelievable” price of $100 or something like that.
People will keep buying it and it’ll become the best thing to possess. Suddenly one day, Steve Jobs dressed in black tights will give a keynote address and will yet again unveil apple’s “best computer yet” by unlocking some capabilities of the iPad. iPad 2.0 will cost $500 and the iPad, which will be relegated to the “not cool” realm, shall keep selling at $100. A year later, iPad 3.0 will have an “astounding” 128 GB storage and will also feature the “much awaited” USB port. iPad shall be discontinued. iPad 2.0 shall sell at $100 and if you wont have iPad 3.0, youll be a called funny names.
That’s the Apple model of selling stuff. Basically, you take anything. Let’s say a pig. Here’s how Apple would sell a pig:
iStep 1: Put lipstick on pig.
iStep 2: Train it to not eat feces.
iStep 3: Spray it with perfume.
iStep 4: Deprive it of all functionality that someone would want from a pig.
iStep 5: Tout it as the “best” by apple yet, and release it in a “Major Announcement”. Keep it simple. Call it the iPig.
iStep 6: Create hype. Show malnourished teenagers with long hair playing with it. Dont forget to dress the hipsters in bright clothes.
iStep 7: After milking people dry by selling them a functionality deprived, yet “feel-good” pig, Kill iPig. Dont serve its meat as it won’t taste great. Raise iPig 2.0 with slightly better features than iPig. Repeat from iStep 1. Keep selling iPig carcass for a fraction of the original price.
This device has not yet been authorized as required by the rules of the Federal Communications Commission. This device is not, and may not be, offered for sale or lease, or sold or leased, until authorization is obtained. - Seen on the iPad’s website.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: apple, computer, ipad, iphone, ipod, pc, tablet | 5 Comments »










